LSD Dream Emulator

1998 was a long time ago wasn't it ? What do you people remember playing at that time ? Specificaly on the Playstation . I played platformers , other people played RPG's or puzzle games .

But in Japan , some kids got their hands on this baby .

And it's just what you think it is . And I know for a fact you have no idea what you're thinking . And you're stil right .

The game is basicly one huge trekk . Where you can't interact with anything .

Let me re-iterate that . In this game , you cannot interact with anything .

And it's awesome.

What you see above is from one of the several locations , called "Happy Land" by fans . It is here that you find one of the most pleasing sounding set of tiles in the whole game . You see , the game makes a sound of walking whenever you move .

Or rather the sound of dying goats in scottish moors on midnight ...... during an air raid . And as for the icy sufraces.....no coment .

There is a conection between each location , but you'll probably end up touching something that will warp you elsewhere , or the dream you are curently playing will end . Then said experience will find a place on the dream chart , which sometimes can trigger a series of 19 FMV videos , that you already probably saw throughout the game , to play nonstop before going back to the game .

Also , each wapring may end up completely screwing the textures , with grass and sand having Japanese writting all over them .

Finaly , there is the Gray man . Whenever you meet him and don't run away on time , you will lose the "flashback" option , aka the ability to see short moments from previous dreams and briefly interact within them .

As for the goal , there is none . After finishing the 365th dream , a short FMV called "ending" plays , showing the deformed mascot of the game twisting around and shapeshifitng before reseting the timer to "Day 001" .

Overall it is a nice game , but you probably should take time and explore it throughout several sessions over a longer period of time . Because even if you've seen someone's walkthrough of the game , there always may be something new that you may run into .


Rating : 7.5/10 hallucinations , due to the.....walking sounds .

Ninja Clowns - 1994 Arcade

The 80's and 90's have seen such a surge in wacky ninja abominations (turtle ninjas , rabbit ninjas, fat ninjas) that the name of todays game realy can't come as a surprise .

The game's plot is about some evil clown named Twisto turning every one in the city into "zombies" . So it's your task to go out and brutaly beat the shit out of them , until you defeat a gigantic clown spider , which explodes into popcorn , which somehow frees people from their hypnotic state .As you might have guessed , the game is weird . It seems to ignore the fact that even the Powerpuff Girls (before it began to suck) got , that is these "saved" people are probably gonna be beaten up to near death , but whatever .

But as for the weirdness , I don't want to spoil too much , but here's two of the bosses

And yeah , the man chicken attacks you by shiting eggs at you.........which is actualy kind of disturbing if you think about it . That's like a female supervillian attacking you by birthing fast flying fetuses in your general direction at 30 miles per hour .

You play as the clown ,obviously , though he realy has no ninja esque qualities or weapons to speak of . Just fyring pies at peoples' faces .


The game itself is a little long , and the Big Top stage ,which you think would be the crowning moment of a game about clowns , just recycles the one midget clown enemy (in several colours and flavours !),and enemies like Elvis fighting with a harmonika and the fat lady , all premiering in earlier levels . The boss itself is also the most boring , just some sort of rogue mystic in a turban attacking you with exploding bunnies......yet somehow he's stil boring .

Rating for the game is : 4 out of 5 cherry pies .

Gourmet Sentai Bara Yarou - Super Famicom 1995 (Winds/Virgin Interactive)

This is an odd turn on the conventional beat em up . In the futuristic year of......the 21st century , after World War III , a city , named (a bit optimisticaly) Zeus Heaven Magic City is under attack of the villanous organisation Bath.......whose goal is to.........well.......do stuff .


BAD STUFF !!!






So the wise elders of Zeus devise a plan : create a trio of human robot (cyborg anyone ?) abominations , send them out alone while being ridiculously outnumbered , and hope for the best .

The three characters you fight for is Madame , Tres Bien and the default beat em up character , Bonjour ,a Haggar-esque oaf . They don't seem to vary in strength all that much , aside from one crucial little aspect that we'll talk about later .


The game right away puts you up against an array of bizzare enemies . Floating robot heads , a living pocketknife punk who dies by attacking you ,some random thug guy , scantily clad ladies with metalic claws , a small guy with a box for a head and a light bulb that you'll be sorry you killed , walking landmimes , and then there's....Oh Damn .


No , that realy is his name . A walking mentaly handicaped person who makes curent Ariel Sharon seem like Raffael Nadal in comparison , he has no attacks , walks around so slowly that he has no actual character animation and.....drools . The only thing he can do to you is exploding when he dies . Oh and he also yells "Die" every time you hit them .


Now the bosses are a fairly bizzare lot , stemming from a woman's face in a giant jar on mechanic legs , to a flying man wasp that injects you with it's.....thingy and the apropriately named Gun Jerk , the top hat wearing , shirt not wearing magician who has a tie that can punch you and who can turn you into one of the enemies for a short while . Which is not so bad.....unless you become Oh Damn . Damn .


During this battle you might have thought it was kind of sad for how short a period you actualy get to stay transformed . Well guess what , there is a cheat which allows you to play through the game as one of these enemies all the time . However they have one major limitation : they cannot pick up ingredients .


This is that one major difference between this game and most (read : ALL) beat em ups . Your health does not get replendished after each level . Normaly this would be the cause of rage of many a gaming nerd out there , and surely justified . But when you defeat an enemy , they drop an ingredient . Picking it up will add it to your inventory and after the end of each stage you get to face

a character who looks like he wandered off from Toriko .

Anyways chose two incredients and the cheff will mix then up into a full fledged meal in a matter of seconds (read : two) . You then proceed to eat your designed dish (made harder to fine tune without being able to read Japanese) . The resulted HP bonus can range from + 50 to - 999 .

Yeah......

The one major setback of this game is the final boss .

This little fucker has the annoying tendency to turn into a blue robot that can suck you into him , turn into a singing bird cage and proceed to do a pile on with you as the one who is being piled , with him as the one who is on .

There is a special move to avoid getting sucked in , but I usualy just go to as far away from his as possible then jump into his head . That doesn't hurt you and knocks you back , temporarily avoiding his suction . Simply repeat the process until he stops .

The other major setback of this boss is the form where he becomes a mini rolling ball of fire that's too low to actualy kick before it fires up while speeding towards you . I had to literaly let myself get killed and switch to Madame , given her jump kick actual reaches much lower .

Stil I at least got to see her spin around and expose her almost naked ass in the end credits.....an act she can do even regularly in the game , as part of a series of poses that each main character does . These literaly have no use other then just looking pretty (well in Madame's case anyway) .

In conclusion , the game is hard , yet is certainly inovative and fresh and it's stock of weirdness is enough to ensure you will not get bored halfway through , like in other beat em ups .

As such I rate this game with 4 out of 5 French Greetings .